Sunday Self-Scaler 19
Why shoving others around is bad for you, an amazing free course you should take, and what I've been up to.
“Look at that walk, puts most girls to shame”, I remark, and the rest cackle loudly in affirmation. He turns a deep red, adjusts his spectacles, and quickens his pace.
It feels great, to be on this side of the coin. Just a few years ago, I was on the other.
Back then, the only time I had stood up for myself, I was grabbed by my collar and had my bottle smashed to smithereens. I still vividly remember the poisonous smirk on his face when he spat, “Ha! How’s that, you bloody wuss.”
It was just retribution for what I had gone through.
Now things were different. I would never get shoved around again and let myself feel the way I did back then. I did the shoving now. I was strong. I was cool. I was feared. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was just retribution for what I had gone through.
I was wrong, dead wrong but it wouldn’t be until two years later that I have an epiphany and realize it.
The Law of Causality
Looking back, being bullied wasn’t any different from being a bully. In both cases, I had felt miserable and scared. It didn’t make sense back then but it makes sense now.
It is widely believed that the universe is deterministic and governed by what is called the law of causality — every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause.
The cliche quote, “Karma is real” can be explained using this.
A cause has an effect that becomes the cause for some other effect and so on leading to infinitely long cause-effect chains.
The cliche quote, “Karma is real” can be explained using this. Every cause you introduce into the universe travels through these cause-effect chains, and can eventually lead to an effect on you.
It’s like sitting in a circle of dominoes and toppling the first one. One after another topples until the last one comes crashing down on you.
In my case, when I was bullied, I was experiencing the effects of negative causes while when I acted like a bully, I was introducing negative causes.
So both by shoving people around or letting yourself be shoved around, you are only harming yourself. Indirectly in the former case and directly in the latter.
A Simple Rule I Like to Live By
Ever since then, I have devised a simple rule that I try to live by. “Do nothing that you wouldn’t want to be done to you.” It makes sense when you think about it.
Since everything you do has a good chance of coming back at you, why do anything that you wouldn’t want to be on the receiving side of?
If you don’t want to be jeered at, don’t jeer. To be treated with respect, respect others. Hate getting hurt? Don’t hurt others. Want to be helped when in need, help those in need.
Don’t want to get shoved around? Don’t shove others around.
Do nothing that you wouldn’t want to be done to you.
It Goes Much Beyond Just Physical Things
Just good actions aren’t enough. Causality goes much deeper than that. Good intentions. You need good intentions as well.
Thoughts form the crux of our essence and every thought plants the seed for potential action. So a bad thought will eventually and often imperceptibly lead to a bad action. As James Allen in his book As A Man Thinketh says,
“A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.”
The cropping up of negative emotions doesn’t make you a bad person. This is because we aren’t our emotions. As my friend Dipanshu Rawal, a life and habit coach says, “Our emotions are just messengers. You can choose what to make of the message.”
The wheel of emotions developed by late psychologist Robert Plutchik depicts the basic emotions and their derivatives in pairs of positive-negative pairs. So every negative emotion has a positive counterpart.
Always choose the positive — when you feel envious, choose admiration. If your rage is swelling, take a deep breath and calm yourself. If you feel hate towards someone, replace it with indifference.
All in all, be, think, say and do good. The world will respond in the same way.
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Draw the Line
Bent upon helping people, I used to often sacrifice my own priorities and sometimes even self-respect. I entertained toxic people feeling that it was my job to heal them. Despite doing “good,” I would end up feeling miserable.
I had overlooked one crucial thing — doing good is great but not at the cost of yourself.
Self-harm is worse than harming others as you not only introduce a negative cause into the system but also bear the brunt of its immediate effect yourself.
Doing good is great but not at the cost of yourself.
Draw the line — value your priorities, know your self-worth, and don’t comprise on your self-respect. Be good to yourself before you are good to others.
Final Words
The world is just a great mirror that reflects your thoughts and actions back at you. As a result, your external world is nothing but a projection of your internal one.
Sure, sometimes bad things happen to good people and good things to bad ones but these are just tiny specks on an otherwise perfect mirror.
All in all, be, think, say and do good. The world will respond in the same way.
An Amazing Free Course I Recommend Taking
Based on one of my favorite YouTubers, Hamza’s recommendation, I started this free Coursera course called The Science Of Wellbeing offered by Yale University.
Skeptical at first, as I plowed on, I actually learned quite a few things. The instructor Laurie Santos has a no b.s crisp presenting approach. And with a 1.75x speed, the pace was perfect for me.
I’m less than 50% into the course (I had set it aside, writing about it here is a reminder to get back to it) but I found ample enough value in it to confidently recommend it to you.
With the recommended tests and exercises, the course gives you a quantifiable and hands-on approach to optimizing your well-being.
What I’ve Been Up to
Well, for starters, I rejoined a gym after a long stint of working out at home. That has me pumped and I’m pouring my all into working out.
Thanks to having to work out in the morning, a godly morning routine fell into place. Thanks to this, I’ve been having more meaningful and productive days.
Work is no longer as chill as it had been up until a couple of weeks back. But it still leaves me with enough time for other things. As to reading, I’m in the second book of the Liveship trilogy by Robin Hobb - a pretty good young adult fantasy fiction series.
Most importantly, in case you didn’t open or missed my previous email, I started another newsletter called Ma(n)ximize —> no b.s life advice and practical self-improvement for men.
I’m ultra excited as that topic is something that inflames my very soul. So it is there that you’ll find my most passionate and brutally honest writing.
But that doesn’t mean I’ll reduce the time I spend on A Better Life - I’ll just have to make more time. Let’s see how that goes, only time will tell.
That’s all! Enjoy your weekend and hope you have an amazing week ahead!